How do you know it’s time to let go? While this should be decided by every individual on their own time, there are red flags that can pop up here and there that might be affecting our mental health and also (to some extent) your ability to figure out that enough is enough.
But, as Bryant McGill puts it:
“Toxic relationships are dangerous to your health; they will literally kill you. Stress shortens your lifespan. Even a broken heart can kill you…Your arguments and hateful talk can land you in the emergency room or in the morgue. You were not meant to live in a fever of anxiety; screaming yourself hoarse in a frenzy of dreadful, panicked fight-or-flight that leaves you exhausted and numb with grief. You were not meant to live like animals tearing one another to shreds…For your own precious and beautiful life, and for those around you — seek help or get out before it is too late. This is your wake-up call!”
8 Signs Your Marriage Bay Be Detrimental For Your Mental Health
Feeling Consistently Stressed
Sure, we cannot aspire to have a perfect relationship. But if everything causes you stress: from telling something to your partner to how they might react to a certain event. If you feel stressed constantly, you are not in optimal mental health. If you do not feel like you can communicate to your significant other out of fear, in what kind of relationship are you?
Making Excuses For Their Behavior
Maybe to others, maybe to yourself, but you feel like you have to excuse or explain your partner’s behavior when he’s mean to you. You might even blame yourself for that far too often.
Worse yet, if your spouse tries to make you feel guilty for questioning or commenting on their horrible behavior, there is a high chance that they are emotionally manipulative. They may even have narcissistic traits and will try to make you feel like the bad guy when you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Remember that if you’re making excuses for your partner today, it’s highly likely that you’ll still be making excuses for them in 10 years’ time.
You may even notice that you frequently have to apologize to other individuals such as family members, friends, and servers for your spouse’s terrible, unacceptable behavior. Remember that if your spouse is a rude individual in general, that their behavior is a direct reflection on their character and that for your own sake, it’s well worth getting a divorce. As you should never have to remain in a relationship with an individual who is disrespectful of you, your children or others.
Continuously Second-Guessing Your Thoughts & Feelings
In any circumstance, judging one’s own feelings is not healthy. It does not let you express or even experience your own emotions. You hold yourself because you “should not feel this or that way” towards your spouse.
Please keep in mind that emotions should not be judged and are valid. Even if they are not positive.
It may be a great idea to validate your feelings by keeping regular thoughts about the direction of your relationship journal. However, only do this if you are certain that your partner would not act violently if they were to come across your notes. Make sure to write the date next to each journal entry so that you can keep track of how long you have experienced certain feelings. For example, you may find that you have felt distrustful of your partner for over six months or that you have felt belittled by your partner for a year.
Remember that if you speak to your partner about your concerns about the future of your relationship and they try to shut down your feelings, that behavior isn’t healthy. As your partner should never try to get you to put your own thoughts and feelings aside. Even when you’re in a long-term commitment such as a marriage, in order to remain mentally healthy you must still have your own thoughts and feelings which are independent of your spouse’s thoughts and feelings. No matter what you go through in life, always tell yourself that your feelings and thoughts are valid and are well worth exploring further.
Feeling Like You Can’t Express Yourself Freely
You might be avoiding a fight for the kids’ sake. You might not want to start a fight over small things, because they might just escalate to bigger ones. So you end up trying to bury your feelings deep down. Which, is definitely not healthy.
If your spouse belittles your feelings and never takes them seriously, alarm bells should also ring as even if your partner doesn’t agree fully with the points which you want to communicate, they should always be open to listening to your point of view.
Also think carefully about how healthy your communication is with your spouse, if you can’t have a clear, open, and respectful conversation with your spouse, it’s worth contemplating whether you should leave your marriage. As you can’t have a healthy, stable, and loving marriage or relationship for that matter, without open communication and being able to express yourself freely. Remember that you should never fear your partner blowing up and that you should feel 100% comfortable expressing any and all opinions with your spouse.
Getting Trapped by Gaslighting
If you are not sure what Gaslighting is, don’t worry. Coined after the movie Gaslight, the term describes a situation where a partner perceives the reality in some way and then their partner denies it.
As Cheapism puts it:
Gaslighting, in this case, means when you perceive a problem, but your partner is not only unwilling to confront it but also actively denies or fabricates excuses to act as though it doesn’t exist.
In other words, after a while, you might start feeling like you’re losing your mind or that you are perceiving reality in a weird or inaccurate way.
Trying To Mend The Fences In An Unidirectional Way
It takes two to work on a healthy relationship and marriage. It’s not something you can do on your own and definitely, should not feel responsible for everything that goes wrong. If unfortunately, your significant other has decided that they are not willing to put the effort in, they are leaving you to do all the heavy lifting by yourself.
If your spouse only suggests you make changes for the good of your relationship, walk away as in order for a relationship to be strengthened, both individuals must make an effort.
Experiencing An Unequal Give & Take
Whenever a partner gives too little and expects too much in return, it’s a clear sign that there is no balance. This imbalance might be detrimental to your mental health and leave you wondering if your partner does not care all that much, or if they do not notice how much they give and how much they can ask of you.
If you notice that you are also the only one in your marriage who expresses affection, it may be a sign to leave your spouse as if your spouse truly loved you, they would value you enough to try and match the affection which you provide them with. For example, if you make an effort to give your spouse genuine compliments on a daily basis and they never make the effort to show you how much they love you, it’s likely that they are nowhere near as invested in your marriage as you are. Which in turn makes it unlikely that your marriage will be able to last a lifetime. Worse yet, if you stay in such a marriage, you’ll only end up feeling resentful and unloved, which will wreak havoc on your mental health.
Lack Of Dependability & Reliability In Times Of Crisis
Probably, there is nothing more revealing than how your partner behaves during a crisis. Either if it is one you experience as a couple or one that you might experience on your own. If you cannot count on your special other during hard times, did you ever count on them at all?
As an example, if you lose your job and your partner complains about having to support you until you are able to find a new position, your partner is definitely not someone that you can rely on in challenging scenarios. As another example, if you become seriously ill and are diagnosed with a difficult medical condition and your partner is unwilling to accompany you to your medical appointments or to look after you when you are bedridden, they are not the type of individuals who you should be married to. As your spouse is meant to be your life partner and the first person that you want to talk to and rely on in times of trouble.
If you remain stuck in a marriage where you don’t feel supported, you will become increasingly more stressed out as you will feel as if you have to go through all of life’s issues on your own. As you won’t be able to rely on your partner for comfort or assistance and will only be able to rely on your friends and family members, who may not live in your home for invaluable, emotional support.
These are warning signs that may mean that you want to do changes in your relationship. That can mean something different for everyone, but they are not to be taken so lightly or as “normal”.
Toxic relationships: a serious threat to mental Health
The minds journal