Whenever someone gets divorced, of course there are certain emotions one can expect to go through. A grieving process might include denial, bargaining, etc. However, there will be emotions you did not expect to feel in such moments. Getting divorced can make you go through a rollercoaster of emotions, psychologists say there is as much pain as there is promise.
I’d like to stop for a moment here and let you know that: all emotions are valid. Divorce might bring up things you did not know you could experience during the process. And no, it doesn’t matter how “amicable” you want to do things. You are still going through a separation and it is going to be hard and unexpected at times.
Whenever you find yourself thinking “But I should not be feeling this or that way…” please stop. Let yourself feel the feeling. Explore why you might feel this way process it, talk about it in therapy, or write an angry illegible letter and move on.
Now, let’s talk about some unexpected emotions you might experience during your divorce:
It might sound crazy at this point, but you might feel excited about a new phase on your life starting. Starting over can seem daunting, but it can bring a lot of healing to plan and think about the things that will come once you get divorced. That is why you might feel excited about getting over with it and you might even get some congratulations from people who have been there or can relate with you.
It’s no surprise that after going through such a heart-breaking disruptive experience you notice that are stronger than you ever imagined. Probably one or two years ago, you would have never imagined such a thing. Now, look at you, getting a new apartment, total control of your finances, your time, and other perks of divorce. And don’t try to minimize it. It’s actually something to feel proud about.
There are plenty of things one can feel guilty about. But you might feel this sensation even more so if you are a parent. On one hand, you might feel worried about the disruption of your children’s lives. And at the same time, happy you can start again and provide them with better attention and less stress at home.
As months go by, you might start to wonder if you could have done things differently, if you could have fought harder to save your marriage and even if you could have waited a little more to get divorced so it could’ve been more convenient. If you could have changed anything. And while it is normal to feel these things, it might also be that the time for feeling them, has already expired.
It’s no surprise that insider our brains, divorce might be associated with failure. It’s a bit hard to get over the notion that marriage is not a test that you can pass. And even though we stand on the idea that all emotions are valid, you should take a look at how you can change this perspective.