Does getting a divorce mean that we failed?

Facing the reality of a divorce is hard.  It does not matter that we live in the 21st century, and that divorce has been a part of our legal system for a long time.

For many, divorce still carries a stigma: for some people, it is one of shame. For others, it is the distinct sting of failure. Some people feel like it might be an uncomfortable tag. These are things that our society conditions us to believe. But are not true at all.

As Pamela Smith sets it very clearly:

Marriage isn’t a test to pass or fail. It is a commitment, a bond. An experience that may or may not last forever.

So here are 4 reasons you should never consider divorce as a failure:

1.We think of marriage as a destination, when it is more of a journey

And we can blame Hollywood and Literature for that. We never get to see that “happily-ever-after” (or if it really was that way).

Maybe if we decide to see marriage more like a journey, we will be able to let go of these negative feelings about divorce. Sometimes you’ll leave for vacation an entire summer, and sometimes you’ll just get a weekend get-away. Does that mean any of those trips and moments were a failure for how long they lasted or the fact that they ended? No.

They will end up being significant for the experiences you had, the places you got to know and things you discovered about yourself along the way. Sometimes, you’ll get to share your journey and sometimes, you’ll have to do it alone.

So, thing about your marriage as a journey that made you go through experiences that made you who you are today, but it is time to leave on another adventure with yourself.

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2.Divorce is an opportunity to grow

From making the mature choice of not continuing a relationship that is hurting you, or where you are no longer compatible, you start to grow from the moment you make this decision of not continuing a cycle that makes you unhappy or feel unfullfiled.

As Divorcemag illustrates it:

In many cases, people who stay in unhappy and suffocating marriages end up becoming depressed, developing health problems and end up living with the daily stress of being in an unhappy marriage.

Why would you stay in darkness if there is a way for you to escape from all the pain you are experiencing and make life better? Getting a divorce can be your stepping stone to a better future.

Take this simple illustration. Let’s say you have been working for a company for many years. You’ve tried your best to excel hoping to get a promotion and higher salary. But after continually proving your worth, you are still at the same level as when you started working at the company. Would you choose to continue to try for that promotion or would you move on to another company where you have better opportunities? The same goes for marriage.

You don’t stay in a bad marriage that is stifling you just because someone else may view you as a failure.

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3. A marriage where your needs aren’t met teaches you the importance of self-care

Long gone are the days were people would stay on a marriage no matter how detrimental or terrible it was for their mental health. Now we know that if it is not working, it is better to let go and take care of ourselves. And that this is not selfish, but necessary.

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 4.You put in everything to make it work.

Being in a relationship means work. And even more when you are in a marriage. You tried your best, and could not make the marriage work. Being able to be in it and sharing part of your life with your partner was great, but there is always a point where is we keep trying, we will only end up harming ourselves.

Sometimes, things don’t fit anymore and that is okay. It means that we are growing.

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5.You might become a better parent after divorce

Doing any task when you are miserable is not easy. That includes parenting. If you are in an unhappy marriage, you will not be able to be the best parent that you can be.

Even if you might not live in the same household all the time, your children will notice if you are feeling happier and more like yourself. It might mean a little more effort in other areas, but you can definitely be a better parent after your marriage ends.

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Charlotte Christian did an outstanding job handling my complicated divorce. I could not of asked for a better outcome. Knowledgable and professional attorney providing exceptional service.