Divorce is not something to be ashamed of. Sometimes, a marriage doesn’t work out for various reasons, such as abuse, abandonment, and personality incompatibility. While sometimes a couple knows when to file for divorce, it is not always clear that the marriage isn’t working.
Here are some clear signs that you might need to get divorced to ensure you don’t spend decades in an unhappy, unfulfilling marriage.
You Never Argue
One of the biggest signs is if there are never any arguments. While fights that become knockdown drag-out aren’t good, it is healthy to argue sometimes. You want to make sure you’re fighting for each other and for your marriage. Silence or avoidance can mean one of you doesn’t care anymore. Lack of communication in a relationship can often be attributed to apathy, which is a lethal emotion in a relationship.
Keep in mind that communication is key, even if it comes in the form of arguments. However, ideally, even when you get into heated arguments with your spouse, you should always treat each other with respect and dignity. Under no circumstances is bullying tolerable in a marriage.
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Your Spouse Doesn’t Treat You with Respect
Your spouse will respect your feelings and thoughts in a healthy marriage, even if they differ from their own. If your spouse uses derogatory terms to describe you or puts you down in conversations, you’re in a toxic marriage, and for your well-being, it’s wise to file for a divorce as soon as possible. The same rule applies if your spouse makes fun of your feelings, which can cause you to feel unloved and invalidated.
There Is a Lack of Physical or Emotional Intimacy
Intimacy is key to a relationship. Temporary dry spells are typical in a marriage, but if the abstinence stretches out to months and even years, then it’s a tell-tale sign that something is wrong. Sex changes marriage and is important for feeling close to your partner. If you are no longer attracted to your partner, then it might be time to close this chapter in your relationship.
You may also consider divorce an option if you are constantly being turned down when you express interest in being physically intimate with your spouse. While your spouse should never feel pressured when it comes to physical intimacy, if your partner never wants to engage in physical intimacy, they may have lost their desire to share intimate moments with you.
However, if physical intimacy is present, but there is no emotional intimacy, then that could also cause problems in a relationship. If you feel like you can’t or don’t want to emotionally connect with your partner, that might be a sign you need to get a divorce. Relationships are more than just sex. All types of intimacy are incredibly important for fostering a marriage, and if you find that you don’t have these anymore, then that might be a sign you need to get divorced.
If you cannot confide your deepest emotions with your spouse and struggle with the fact that your spouse no longer treats you as their main confidante, alarm bells should ring in your head.
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Your Partner Is No Longer Invested in Your Relationship
In healthy, balanced marriages, both individuals are equally committed to the long-term future of their marriage. If your spouse doesn’t meet you halfway or put as much time, effort, and energy into your marriage as you do, it may be a clear sign that your marriage is already over.
In most circumstances, once your spouse has emotionally checked out of your marriage, it’s unlikely you’ll ever redevelop the emotional bond that you once shared when you were in love.
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You No Longer Enjoy Your Conversations
If your conversations with your spouse are strained, typically negative, and cause you stress, staying in your marriage may not be healthy. If you find yourself increasingly opting to avoid being in the same room as your spouse, it’s probably time to get a divorce. Unfortunately, once your relationship gets to this stage, it’s unlikely that it will recover, as you can’t have a strong marriage without clear and open communication.
Your Marriage Makes You Feel Stress
Stress is also a huge factor when it comes to considering a divorce. If you feel your stress is constantly elevated when you are around your partner, that is a sign you might need to file for divorce. If you are stressed about talking to your partner or how they might react to a certain event, your marriage is not healthy. Communication out of fear, or avoidance of communication out of fear, are both signs you might need to get divorced.
You Can’t Tell Them Your Problems, or You Keep Secrets
In a healthy marriage, couples eagerly share everything – mental health struggles, the boring happenings in their daily lives, issues with friends or the boss, and more. If you do not feel comfortable sharing your problems or are keeping things from your partner because you’re scared of being ignored, mocked, or scolded, then it’s a huge flag that your marriage isn’t healthy.
If you cannot rely on your partner for emotional support, your chances of emotionally cheating on your spouse increase. If this situation is relevant to you, and you don’t see it getting resolved, consider seeking a divorce.
Your Spouse Is Making You Doubt Yourself
If your partner continuously puts you down, it can cause significant scars on your self-esteem. This can transfer onto your work, friendships, and how to carry yourself in other aspects of your life.
If you’re constantly walking on eggshells around your partner, worried about how they may react to a specific event, or if they regularly make you think that all problems are your fault, then it’s a strong indication that you’re in an unhealthy marriage.
There Has Been Physical or Emotional Cheating
If you discovered that your partner physically cheated on you with another individual and violated your trust, the best thing you can do for yourself is leave your marriage, as your spouse has violated your wedding vows and has shown a complete disregard for your feelings. Even if your partner hasn’t physically cheated on you but has been caught on online dating apps or sending flirty texts to another man or woman, it’s a wise idea to end your marriage.
While you may be tempted to forgive your spouse, actions speak far louder than words. If they have disregarded your feelings by cheating or flirting with another person, they are likely to repeat this behavior in the future.
Your Spouse’s Financial Decisions Are Causing You Distress
Money issues can place a huge strain on a marriage. For example, if your partner is irresponsible with money, which causes you distress, you may be better off separating before the financial issues in your marriage are compounded with time.
This is especially if your partner has a gambling addiction or cannot save or invest money for your family and your financial future. If you can’t trust your spouse with shared funds, it’s a clear sign that you need to move on before their financial mistakes become your financial mistakes.
You Are No Longer in Love with Your Spouse
If you feel dread when you envision your future with your spouse, there’s a high chance you are no longer in love with your spouse. Don’t feel guilty for feeling out of love with your spouse; the person your spouse is today is not necessarily the same person you married. Keep in mind that over time, both you and your spouse will have changed and evolved as people.
This is especially true if you got married at a young age and still had a lot of growing to do as a person. In this circumstance, it may be possible to salvage a friendship with your spouse due to opting for divorce.
You Don’t Share the Same Values
While you don’t have to share all the same morals as your spouse, if you don’t share key values, such as how to raise your children or how you should split the money that you both earn, it’s likely your marriage will eventually end.
Yes, compromising is part of married life. But compromising on certain decisions, such as not having children because your spouse doesn’t want any, may feel like a minor issue right now but can make you resentful in the future.
Your Goals Don’t Include Your Spouse
You may have big goals like moving to another country, changing careers, or living off the grid. Are these goals attainable with your spouse in the picture? If not, then maybe you two are not on the same page.
Goals are essential to growing as a person and thriving in life. If your major life goals continue to be incompatible with what your spouse wants, or you know it’s something that your partner will never support, then maybe it’s a sign that your marriage is over.
You Are Tired of Trying to Make Your Marriage Work
If you’ve been trying to salvage your marriage for years and are becoming more resentful of your spouse and more frustrated with the lack of hope and love in your marriage, you may want to consider divorce. It is highly likely that your energy would be better invested in your life and emotional well-being.
Remember that if your marriage fails, you are not a failure and are treating yourself with love and respect as you don’t deserve to spend the rest of your life in a marriage that doesn’t meet your emotional needs and leaves you feeling tired and frustrated.
You Trash Talk About Your Partner
Occasionally complaining about your partner to your friends after a light conflict is one thing. But if you constantly badmouth your partner every chance you get, it could mean you have a deep-rooted resentment toward them or that you two have no common ground.
While venting here and there is OK, talking bad about your partner (especially without any guilt) in front of your children, family gatherings, or social setting is a sign that you need to head for divorce.
There’s Domestic Violence
Emotional, physical, or psychological abuse of any form is a huge red flag that you need to opt for divorce. If there has been even one instant of abuse, the chances are high that they will reoffend, and their actions may escalate.
Because you give your spouse a second chance and end up being a victim of another traumatic experience, ask yourself if your friend or child were the victims of domestic violence, would you encourage them to stay? Hopefully, you answered no. You cannot build a future with a person that you don’t feel safe with.
Marriage Counseling Isn’t Helping
Many couples turn to counseling to salvage their relationships when all else fails. But sometimes, the hate and apathy from one partner might be too strong for marriage counseling to prove successful. If you’re struggling with the same issues with your partner as you were during the pre-counseling period, then you might want to consider getting a divorce.
Call Us Today for Help With a Divorce
After meeting the residency requirements and grounds for divorce, you may then file divorce papers and have copies sent to your spouse. Divorce papers can include stated reasons for divorce, custody arrangements for children, division of debts and property, etc. Contrary to what you may have heard, divorce doesn’t have to be scary, and you don’t have to do it alone. If you are looking into getting a divorce, you want someone who will be on your side.
Connect with us at Charlotte Christian Law Firm to find an attorney who will go to bat for you both in and out of court. We will fight for you. Contact us by phone or contact us online at charlottechristianlaw.com, as we’d love to advocate for you throughout your divorce journey.