You don’t have to wait till the New Year to make resolutions focused on bettering your life if you are recently divorced.
Take a deep sigh of relief, the worst is over and now it’s time to move forward. As the saying goes, “The only person you can control is yourself.” Being recently divorced may ring true in a variety of ways, but take it as positive encouragement to make the most out of your newfound singleness. If you have kids, yes they are important, but to give them the best, you have to be at your best. Best doesn’t mean perfect. Take each day one day at a time and use these:
Simple Resolutions To Find Your Best Self After Divorce
Take Time For Self Care
First of all, it’s important to work through the lingering emotions that you inevitably have been recently divorced. If you are struggling to move past these emotions, speaking with a professional therapist is an excellent way to process and overcome any remaining anger, guilt, frustration, and hurt.
The stress of being recently divorced and starting over can take a toll on your emotional and physical health. Find stress-relieving techniques that you can use throughout the day.
Make self-care a priority on a regular basis. Do things you enjoy. Try new things. Get together with friends. Go for walks. Play sports. Read a book. Whatever it looks like for you, take time to take care of yourself.
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Take The High Road
According to John C. Maxwell, there are three roads that we can take in life:
The low road – where we treat people worse than they treat us
The middle road – where we treat people the same as they treat us
The high road – where we treat people better than they treat us
“There aren’t many people who would admit to taking the low road, but I’m sure that many would admit to taking the middle road, treating people the same as they treat us. Whilst there is a good reason for this, I would advocate always taking the high road. You see, taking the middle road suggests that we change our response according to how people treat us. If someone treats us poorly, treat them poorly. If someone treats us well, treat them well. If most people do this, then we end up with a society where all we do is respond to life, rather than positively impact it,” says Life Coach Darren Poke.
In any interactions with your ex, choose to fly above any petty arguments, resentment, and anger. You – who you are, your integrity, your values – are more important than having the last word or engaging in negativity. Years from now, when you look back at this time in your life, you can either look back with regret or with satisfaction, knowing you handled a really difficult time in your life with dignity and integrity.
Take Control Of Your Future
Don’t waste time dwelling on the past, but use your experiences to propel you toward a better future. Learn from the mistakes you made and choose to not make them again. If you are recently divorced, this is a great time to rediscover what you are passionate about, what brings you joy and even find renewed purpose in life.
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Divorce can make you blame yourself for many things. You may feel you ignored obvious signs, made stupid mistakes, accepted things you shouldn’t have accepted, and more. Most people view divorce negatively. However, just because your marriage failed doesn’t mean you should blame yourself forever.
Instead, take divorce as a lesson that you must learn and grow from, and it all starts with forgiving yourself. Most importantly, you need to look holistically at marriage and understand that it takes two people to make things work.
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Taking the high road isn’t enough. You must avoid negative thoughts on any aspect of your life, especially relationships. Negativity is paralyzing. If you don’t take a positive approach to life, you will have a difficult time moving on.
It helps to focus on the good in your life currently. For instance, instead of blaming yourself for a divorce, focus on there being a valid positive reason why your marriage didn’t work out. You should also view yourself as worthy and deserving of finding love again. If you are alive and healthy, that’s a good place to begin.
Seek Professional Support
It’s also in your best interests to find professional help. Purpose to find a divorce counselor who can help you move on. While it’s fine to move on and focus on the positive, you may need to learn some important lessons about yourself, relationships, and other underlying factors that contribute to divorce. A good divorce counselor can unravel important details that you would have easily missed if you just moved on.
While family and friends can offer support, it helps to get a professional opinion and advice on marriage and life. Understanding what really happened and knowing what you should do is critical for future success in life and new relationships.
Commit To Being Your Best Version
Everyone has an idea of what their best version of themselves looks like. Whether it’s finances, relationships, or body goals, it’s time to become who you’ve always dreamt of becoming. Commit to hitting the gym, working on that idea, pursuing your passion, etc. Most importantly, you shouldn’t settle. If you haven’t attracted your ideal partner, don’t stop.
While it may take trying new things outside your comfort zone, you’ll be glad you did it. True happiness comes by following your heart’s truest desires. Even if you don’t find a new partner, your chances of finding true happiness within yourself are higher when you pursue goals relentlessly.
Be Patient With Yourself
There’s no definite timeline for recovering after divorce. What’s more, things take time, and there is no deadline to chase or achieve your dreams. It’s tempting to take shortcuts like getting into new relationships or giving up on your dreams.
However, moving on too fast will do more harm than good. The same applies to giving up. If you start dating immediately before healing, you expose yourself to many problems ranging from custody issues to heartbreaks. The dangers of habits like casual sex are also well known. You don’t have to start seeing someone immediately just to get back at your EX.
Dreams also take time to materialize. For instance, it may take years to get your dream body, become financially independent or achieve any other worthwhile dreams that are your idea of being the best version of yourself. Instead of bombarding yourself with timelines, focus on living each day perfectly. Small consistent wins may take time. However, they are what adds up to success in the future.
Value Your Time
Being patient with yourself should be mistaken to mean you should waste your time. To get ahead, you must make time for important things and move swiftly. Eliminate things that waste time (from procrastination to TV). While some entertainment is important in life, don’t spend hours partying, or watching TV.
When it’s time for working, do so. Also, make time for rest but make your working hours count. People who truly value their time will not waste it thinking of an Ex or engaging in activities that don’t improve their lives.
There you go! You have some notable resolutions to implement and change your life for the better after divorce. If there’s one important resolution you must consider is to seek expert help from a seasoned divorce attorney and other divorce professionals (like counselors) to help you.
Maybe you’re not quite there yet, but you find yourself on the verge of divorce. These three principles can apply to your life right now. Your first step in living out these resolutions might be to speak with a family law attorney who can explain your options and who understands where you’re coming from. If you still aren’t sure that divorce is the right path for you, read these 4 Things To Do Before Initiating A Divorce.
It’s not an easy process, but with the right family law attorney, you can leverage the ways that the situation is treated and come through the experience more financially prepared. Talk to a professional in Charlotte Christian Law by calling us at (256) 769-0508 or contacting us through our contact form.