Divorce can happen due to many factors. Each couple has a different dynamic and has different odds when it comes to how they will manage difficult situations. However, there are issues that affect most couples that can lead to divorce. Here are the most common marital problems and causes that can lead to divorce.
Common Marital Problems
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What’s yours, is mine? According to survive divorce, this is one of the top causes of divorce. It doesn’t have that much to do with having little money. Couples in all the economic spectrum can experience money-related friction.
One spouse wants a new car every two years while the other is happy to drive any vehicle that is already paid off.
Money can be especially important to the degree that you don’t have it. When one spouse or the other loses a job or significant unexpected financial setbacks take place (think job loss, health crises, etc.), it can cause a big squeeze on family finances that may last for months or even years.
Money issues cause stress. Stress chokes off communication. A lack of communication leads to breakdowns in trust. And the result is often divorce.
If you find that you and your spouse are experiencing these issues, you’ll need to make an extra effort to keep communication strong and stick as much as possible to your budget. Probably won’t avoid all arguments, but it will make them more manageable. If you feel the situation is getting out of control, you’ll still need to keep track and record all your financial information in case of a divorce.
Lack Of Support From Family
In an article from the Insider, the lack of support from the family will have an impact on the marriage, funny enough, we can also find some ambivalence:
Per the Huffington Post, according to a 26-year longitudinal study that looked at 373 couples, a husband having a close relationship with his wife’s family decreased the risk of divorce by 20%. Conversely, when a wife reported having a close relationship with her husband’s parents, the couple’s risk of divorce increased by 20 percent.
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As we enter the fourth trimester of 2020, we probably are more aware than ever of how precious health is. A long difficult illness can put an extra strain on any kind of relationship, not only marriages, but they hurt them especially. As Elizabeth Ochoa, a marriage counselor told Health.com:
“Illnesses create debt and pain and loss of self. It can mean one partner isn’t able to maintain his or her part of the deal, which requires the other partner to step it up. Some couples will be better at dealing with that than others”
In some scenarios, if one spouse is undergoing long-term medical treatment for a serious disease such as cancer and their spouse only thinks of themselves, their marriage may fall apart. As the healthy spouse may be unwilling to invest the time and energy needed in order to emotionally and financially help their spouse through their darkest days. While most married individuals assume that their partner loves them enough to take care of them if they were to fall ill, periods of difficulty sometimes bring out a person’s true colors.
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Both physical and emotional abuse can be major contributors to divorce. It must not be a surprise that these behaviors put a very high strain on the relationship, with cycles that can become more and more intense, making partners feel threatened physically.
There is no scenario in which domestic violence is acceptable. If your spouse ever lays a hand on you, it’s critical to leave immediately and to file for divorce. For your safety and the safety of any children which you may share with your spouse. As someone who truly loves you will never lay a finger on you or your children.
According to the Insider:
The United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNDOC) found that 50,000 women who were intentionally killed in 2017 were killed by a romantic partner or family member.
Getting Married Too Young
Here’s the thing. Our brains finish their development phase between 25 and 30 years of age. So, making too many life-altering decisions, like getting married, may cause regret later on. Survive divorce sets it clearly:
Couples who get married at an early age are more likely to face more money issues because their careers are not established yet. In some cases, they have not matured and do not understand how to communicate effectively. Without experience to guide them, a lack of maturity will often overtake a calmer approach to marital problems.
Young marriage problems can be further aggravated when a couple decides to have children at an early age as well. The amount of energy, effort and financial resources required to engage in parenting can challenge a couple at any age. But when parents are still children themselves in some ways, the burdens of being a parent are overwhelming.
Another reason why getting married at a young age may sometimes lead to divorce, is that the person that you are in your twenties and thirties may differ greatly from the person who you are at forty or fifty. You may even find that if you married at 21, that by the time you are in your late twenties you have grown and evolved as a person and the person that you married has not gone through the same journey of self-discovery and that you are no longer a match for each other.
While you may want to try and work through your incompatibility issues, if you have both changed as people since your wedding day, sometimes there may be major differences in life goals and values that you can’t rectify. For example, you may want to sell your home and work overseas for a year and your spouse may want to remain in the same city for the rest of their lives. Or one of you may want children, while the other may want to enjoy having fewer responsibilities or may not be interested in starting a family.
Too Much Conflict Or Arguing
According to a study done by the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI), many of the individuals interviewed (57.7%) agreed that they grew tired and frustrated with their marriages when:
“communication problems increased in frequency and intensity throughout their marriages, which at times seemed to coincide with lost feelings of positive connections and mutual support.”
If you find that many of your conversations end in a heated argument or a screaming match, it may be a sign that you’re headed for divorce. As in a healthy marriage, although you will have your fair share of disagreements, you’ll be able to communicate healthily with your spouse and express your opinions in a calm, respectful manner.
If your spouse frequently belittles you or raises their voice at you during arguments, it’s well worth seriously considering if a divorce would be the healthiest option for you. As in the long term, if you remain in such an unhealthy relationship, where respectful communication isn’t possible, you’ll only end up having regrets.
Infidelity Or Extramarital Affairs
Here’s an interesting point: while many might consider this as a definitive reason for divorce, many of the participants of the cited above study mentioned it as “the final straw”, for an already deteriorating relationship.
As reported by INSIDER, some common reasons for cheating, are feeling neglected, insecurity issues, or a fear of abandonment.
In most cases, it’s not a wise idea to remain in a marriage with an individual who has broken their wedding vows and has cheated on you. As actions speak louder than words, they have proven that they will not hesitate to act selfishly and to put temporary physical pleasure above your feelings.
Also keep in mind that even if you have only caught your spouse cheating on one occasion, it’s highly likely that there have been other incidents that you were not aware of.
Lack Of Commitment
Surprisingly, one of the most frequently marital problems mentioned above that can cause divorce was lack of commitment.
Even though some would say that marriage is the ultimate commitment, 75% of the people surveyed said a lack of commitment played a part in the demise of their marriage.
While anyone can pledge lifelong commitment during their wedding ceremony, the true test of commitment comes with time. As healthy couples, continually make the effort to make their marriage a priority in their lives. For example, it’s a great idea to plan a weekly date night, in order to ensure that no matter how busy you get, that you still make time for each other and have an opportunity to share your struggles and successes together.
Healthy, committed partners also endeavor to keep their word in order to prove their commitment to each other. For example, if you tell your partner that you will go out for dinner to your favorite restaurant together on Friday night, don’t cancel your plans because a friend invited you to a social event or because you are tired. Instead, put continual time, effort, and energy into your marriage.
If you find that your spouse is flakey and no longer makes time for you and continually breaks their promises to you, their behavior should raise a red flag. As commitment is just as important in a marriage after 20, 30, or 40 years as it is during the first year of wedded bliss.
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