How do you know it’s time to let go? While this should be decided by every individual on their own time, there are red flags that can pop-up here and there that might be affecting our mental health and also (at some extent) your ability to figure out that enough is enough.
But, as Bryant McGill puts it:
“Toxic relationships are dangerous to your health; they will literally kill you. Stress shortens your lifespan. Even a broken heart can kill you…Your arguments and hateful talk can land you in the emergency room or in the morgue. You were not meant to live in a fever of anxiety; screaming yourself hoarse in a frenzy of dreadful, panicked fight-or-flight that leaves you exhausted and numb with grief. You were not meant to live like animals tearing one another to shreds…For your own precious and beautiful life, and for those around you — seek help or get out before it is too late. This is your wake-up call!”
Here are 8 signs that your marriage is not helping improve or maintain your Mental Health:
Feeling Consistently Stressed
Sure, we cannot aspire to have a perfect relationship. But if everything causes you stress: from telling something to your partner to how they might react to a certain event. If you feel stressed constantly, you are not on your optimal mental health. If you do not feel like you can communicate to your significant other out of fear, in what kind of relationship are you?
Making excuses for their behavior
Maybe to others, maybe to yourself, but you feel like you have to excuse or explain your partner’s behavior when he’s mean to you. You might even blame yourself for that far too often.
Continuously second-guessing your thoughts and feelings
In any circumstance, judging one’s own feelings is not healthy. It does not let express or even experience your own emotions. You hold yourself because you “should not feel this or that way” towards your spouse.
Please keep in mind that emotions should not be judged and are valid. Even if they are not positive.
Feeling like you cannot express yourself freely
You might be avoiding a fight for the kids’ sake. You might not want to start a fight over small things, because they might just escalate to bigger ones. So you end up trying to bury your feelings deep down. Which, is definitely not healthy.
Getting Trapped by Gaslighting
If you are not sure what Gaslighting is, don’t worry. Coined after the movie Gaslight, the term describes a situation where a partner perceives the reality in some wat and then their partner denies it.
As Cheapism puts it:
Gaslighting, in this case, means when you perceive a problem, but your partner is not only unwilling to confront it, but also actively denies or fabricates excuses to act as though it doesn’t exist.
In other words, after a while, you might start feeling like you’re losing your mind or that you are perceiving reality in a weird or inaccurate way.
Trying to mend the fences in a unidirectional way
It takes two to work on a healthy relationship and marriage. It’s not something you can do on your own and definitely, should not feel responsible for everything that goes wrong. If unfortunately, your significant other has decided that they are not willing to put the effort in, they are leaving you to do all the heavy lifting by yourself.
Experiencing an unequal give and take
Whenever a partner gives too little and expects too much in return, it’s a clear sign that there is no balance. This imbalance might be detrimental to your mental health and leave you wondering if your partner does not care all that much, or if they do not notice how much they give and how much they can ask of you.
Lack of dependability and reliability in times of crisis
Probably, there is nothing more revealing than how your partner behaves during a crisis. Either if it is one you experience as a couple or one that you might experience on your own. If you cannot count on your special other during hard times, did you ever count on them at all?
These are warning signs that may mean that you want to do changes in your relationship. That can mean something different for everyone, but they are not to be taken so lightly or as “normal”.