It is said that the number one cause of divorce, is marriage. And even if we have explored different reasons why people commonly end theirs. They normally have to do or are related to a lack of communication.
So, it’s better to know what you’re getting into beforehand. Because not sending ground rules and responsibilities will not help along the way and it’s easier to tackle these subjects now that you are in a very loving stage and not latter when you are annoyed, tired, or unsure if you want to stay in the marriage.
Do you have debts? Can you stick to a budget? How do you normally manage money?
Talking about money is not the most pleasant thing in the world. It is no surprise many people try to avoid it at all costs, but it’s important to get to know your partner’s financial situation.
Even if debts acquired before getting married are considered separate, remember that they might affect you as a couple when you try to make large purchases or investments.
Also, it’s important to know if your partner can stick to a budget, how much you will both contribute to the household and or if any of you will not be working.
It will be a tough conversation that will save you a lot of conflict in the future. As The Insider puts it bluntly:
“When couples have difficulty with money, it can lead to financial infidelity — out-of-control spending, lying, and hiding finances — which can destroy the relationship,”
We never think about this, but financial compatibility might be a very important factor in a marriage’s success.
2. Who should be responsible for getting the house clean?
And not only that: how often should you clean the house? Can you both handle a little mess and for how long?
When partners come from different backgrounds, it’s normal they have an idea of how often they should clean and who should do it. However, starting your life together means that you should establish these settings again so that no one feels overwhelmed with the housework, or uncomfortable because it’s not clean enough.
3. Do you want kids? If so, when?
This might be a dealbreaker for a lot of couples out there. It’s a question you might not do when you start dating, however, it’s an important conversation before saying “I do”.
While in other aspects, it’s possible to make compromises, sadly this is not the case.
If you are both on the same track and you want to have children, it is also important to establish a timeline. Maybe you see it down the line and your partner feels like having them next year.
4. How much are you willing to spend on large purchases?
Another financial issue you’ll have to figure out. Since you will be teaming up together to buy things like a mattress, furniture, a car, and even real state you need to agree on how much you’ll be willing to spend on them. It’s also a good idea that you both have a clear picture of how much of your income you’d be able or willing to invest.
Most of all, you’ll need to agree and figure out a plan on what will happen if one of you ends up losing their income or another sort of crisis comes along your way. It’s a time to figure out how much you’ll be saving up for emergencies as well.
5. How much alone time do you need to be happy
No matter how much you love your partner, you’ll need some time for yourself every once in a while. It has nothing to do with not loving the other person, these are needs that every human being on the planet has.
It’s a good idea to have an idea of how much space your partner needs to be happy. Also, to have it on your needs when looking for a house: do they need a room? the house? a vacation?
Remember, this does not mean your partner doesn’t want to spend time with you. It means that they need time for themselves.